He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The uberlube is also flammable
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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