she smelled like a LAN party
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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