I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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