I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
