I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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