What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
