there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
