Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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