Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
