if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.