I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...