We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister