who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
