Texts From Last Night

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  (727): View more from Florida

  My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo

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  (727): My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo http://tfl.nu/tgva
  Replies (38) Good night (795) Bad night (4656)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny

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  (614): she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny http://tfl.nu/4cwi
  Replies (12) Good night (2952) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes

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  (618): Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes http://tfl.nu/lxst
  Replies (12) Good night (487) Bad night (3918)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.

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  (440): he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went. http://tfl.nu/izjf
  Replies (37) Good night (1224) Bad night (5736)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C

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  (401): so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C http://tfl.nu/zt1d
  Replies (12) Good night (3854) Bad night (949)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...

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  (913): It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason... http://tfl.nu/n9s7
  Replies (17) Good night (5158) Bad night (1876)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?

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  (760): He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite? http://tfl.nu/b780
  Replies (6) Good night (3228) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved

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  (262): well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved http://tfl.nu/a9c7
  Replies (1) Good night (902) Bad night (1433)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"

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  (302): She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!" http://tfl.nu/kmdw
  Replies (6) Good night (2470) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (969): View more from

  I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.

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  (969): I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight. http://tfl.nu/btdd
  Replies (5) Good night (1954) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang

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  (480): Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang http://tfl.nu/1oo5
  Replies (12) Good night (4061) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.

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  (512): There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls. http://tfl.nu/qrvu
  Replies (6) Good night (1346) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?

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  (419): So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk? http://tfl.nu/8zbp
  Replies (8) Good night (516) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?

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  (510): Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you? http://tfl.nu/34q2
  Replies (4) Good night (333) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.

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  (813): I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised. http://tfl.nu/qb0v
  Replies (1) Good night (379) Bad night (193)

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