Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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