hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
