No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.