I hate your face
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
