I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
