I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
