We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
