So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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