so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
