Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
