I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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