i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
