i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
