Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
