I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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