the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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