im drinking this country out of the recession.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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