What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
