: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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