positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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