It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
