ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
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