I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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