How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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