Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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