I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
