the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
