OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
