That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
