drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
