Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
