I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
