but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
