Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
