im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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