dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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