Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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