and i looked up. we had an audience...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
