It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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