so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
