Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
