I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
