the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
