Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
