I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Randomize
