I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
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Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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