i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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