yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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