YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
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When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Enjoy the penises
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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