So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
