whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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