this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
