Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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