We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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