Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
