I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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