There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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