I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
