I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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