So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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