I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
