I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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