Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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